UN Vows To Investigate Whether Jewish Hostages Count
NEW YORK – The UN has pledged to do more to secure the release of Israeli hostages held by terrorist group Hamas, but first must complete an investigation into whether those hostages, in fact, count.
“On the one hand, these people were violently kidnapped amid one of the most brutal and heinous terrorist attacks ever conducted, but on the other hand, they’re Jewish”, said a spokesperson.
Key questions that the investigation seeks to answer are: “Were they asking for it dressed like that?”, “Are Jewish children really children per-se?”, and “Hamas says they’re having a really good time, can’t we let them stay a little longer?”
Once the investigation is complete, the UN is hoping that the hostages are released some other way so they don’t have to deal with these goddamn Jews anymore.
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