"Any Means Necessary" Redefined To Mean "Make Jews Dig Their Own Graves"

After the horrific video of Israeli hostage Evyatar David surfaced this past week, western pro-Palestine groups have been battling one very important question – “Is this what we mean when we say ‘by any means necessary?’” To which the answer seems to be a resounding and unequivocal HELL YEAH BABY!

“It seems to me these je… Zionists need to start digging their own graves” said one protestor at Columbia university. “And I can’t think of a better way to free Palestine than to trap innocent people in dark tunnels for years, starve, and torture them. I mean how could you not want to free Palestine after that?”

In the UK, student activist group N.A.Z.I.S (Naturally All Zionists Into Sarcophagi) took it one step further by making an official appeal to the Oxford English Dictionary Committee to add “Making Jews dig their own grave” to the official definition of the phrase “By any means necessary”.

In their plea they gave the following argument: “’any means necessary’ really means anything and everything – even things as horrible and heinous as what Hamas did to Evyatar David pale in comparison to the Israeli desire to live in peace in their ancestral homeland. It is true that this act had no impact on the nationalistic endeavors of the Palestinian people, and if anything it set it back both in talks with Israel and in the eyes of the world, but this dictionary defines ‘any means’ as ‘any method or way, regardless of type’. meaning that when we chant ‘by any means necessary’, making Jews dig their own graves falls under that definition.”

When probed by the Committee on if they truly mean ‘all means’, the representative for the N.A.Z.I.S group, Ava Brown, responded that “Yes, we literally mean anything, we have no qualms about anything it would take to free Palestine from the Je… Zionist invaders. ‘Any means necessary’ could mean a lot of things. It could mean walking your dog for Palestine, calling your grandma for Palestine, or studying up on one of the world’s most complicated conflicts to try and reach an understanding that would make all people feel safe and thrive for Palestine. Since no one is doing any of those things we must add the grave thing to the definition now, before people start asking questions like ‘do you really mean it?’ or ‘isn’t that inhumane and a crime against humanity?’. If we can change the definition before the BBC gets strong armed into reporting this, they will be able to cite you as evidence as to why this is actually ok and not a problem. You must act now, for the sake of Palestine!” urged Ava Brown.

After a brief deliberation the Oxford Committee released this statement: “In the interest of getting to our cars safely tonight we grant the mobs the change that they wanted. Please don’t kill us.”

For more on this developing story, step outside and see what they are shouting now.