Yahya Sinwar Quadruple-Checking That Whole 72 Virgins Thing Just To Be Extra Sure
KHAN YOUNIS – According to reports coming out of Gaza, Yahya Sinwar has been holed up in a bunker for days poring over scripture for proof of the 72 Virgins promised in the afterlife.Â
Video on a cell phone found by the IDF provides some insight into the embattled terror-leader’s state of mind:
“I’m pretty confident that the Virgins are there.”, said Sinwar
“Haniyeh promised me but I can’t find anything about it in the holy books. He wouldn’t lie like that. He loves me and he called me his little ‘terr-bear’ the last time we spoke on the secure line.”
“He said I could have all the aid I want after we defeat Israel and if I die I’ll actually get *73* virgins not 72. He also said that I’m his best friend but I can’t come to his birthday party in Qatar because I have to stay here and guard the tunnels. That makes me sad. But then I think about the virgins again and I’m happy.”
Sinwar then proceeded to ugly-cry in the fetal position for 30 minutes until the video cut out.
Israeli forces anticipate they will find him shortly.
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